Crazy Mind

Back and White

2011-12-10T00:59:00.001-08:00

Painting - A dance floor

2010-06-17T08:18:00.000-07:00

Behind The Camera

2009-09-18T21:43:00.000-07:00

Some of the snaps taken, when I went home this time...

The Girl in a Temple Corridor

2009-08-08T10:00:00.001-07:00

A Pencil Drawing by me...

The Girl in a Temple Corridor

N2N : 5 - A hi5 and where am I?

2009-06-01T07:41:00.000-07:00

Today is June 1, it is been 5 years since I started my career as software engineer. Yea.. if you say in corporate language, I completed hi5 today.

The great thing in these 5 years is that, I have got chances to work with people of different kind... people of different mindsets and thoughts! People who are technically very sound! People who are good at management! People who are committed, dedicated and put long extra hours (unlike me..haha)! People who are workaholic and stay @ office itself (Sorry, I am on the other end of the sphere)! People who are extremely smart in their work! people who are lazy to do a bit of useful work ! people who are very process oriented!.... people with different work style and abilities!

There are people, who build their career by putting lots of effort, hard work and dedication ! There are another set of people, who build their career by amplifying the mistakes of others! I admire and respect the first! I pity the the later..!

Anyhow, with this post I don't intend to take you to all that philosophical stuffs... I just wanted to thank all my colleagues, who supported me during this long 5 years... Thanks for all the good and bad things!

Thanks a lot to all my colleagues for your support, help and criticism !

Thanks a lot to the mentors, who guided me when I was a newbie... Thank you to those good leaders and managers, for their motivation and inspiration... Thanks to the worst managers for teaching me, how a good manager shouldn't be! Thanks to those techie guys for sharing your knowledge.. Thanks so much to all others for every good and bad things! I learned from both. :-)

If you ask me, how did I feel last 5 years? To be honest I don't believe this is a great rocket science job... Most of the time, I feel so stupid and dump working in s/w field! There are lot of better things on earth :-)

What have I learned during these long 5 years ? Hmm... I won't say, I haven't learned anything.. Of course, I have learned lot of stuffs.. But the question is, what difference it make if I haven't learned it? May be nothing big!

Haa.. I should not criticize too badly about s/w field.. After all, I earn my living out of it. Yea.. And I am still doing all these dump stuffs, for that... You know something, money has got the great power of convincing your all other needs. It is due to the same reason, that a big percentage of talented young mind of our country keep stuck to this industry..!

Hi5 is not end of this dump work; it goes on..! Colleague changes, company changes, project changes... but life goes on in this corporate world...

Some times I feel, this whole thing is like a pyramid; and every one try to climb to top of pyramid, though you know it can accommodate only very less at top... and you ask me where am I? I am no way different.. :-) I am also climbing the ladders of same pyramid... climbing to the top with out knowing what is awaiting at the top!

Still long way to go..! So many hurdles to cross...! I hope it would be exciting..! I'll do better than my best, to cross the hurdles and turn out everything well... I have confidence in me.. and I know there is a long way to go !!!

The Touch of Rain Drops..!

2009-04-10T23:38:00.000-07:00

My mind was traveling in a wonderful dream much faster, than the cab in which I am... The voice of driver 'Here you go..' wake me up from my dream. It was hard for me to hide my anger at him in disturbing a wonderful dream. But I realized that cab has reached near my apartment, and with an artificial smile, I managed to hide my angers inside...

It was slightly drizzling, and I stepped out of the cab looking at the cloudy sky... The very next moment, small rain drops spread on my face.. Nature’s touch! It was touchy and very cool. I had an umbrella in my bag. But I walked in the rain. I heard a voice from the bottom of my heart asking me to enjoy rain. My whole body was showered by the drizzle. In fact it was truly a pleasant feel.

Only later, I realized that the rain was slightly heavier than it seemed to me. All my clothes got drenched, but I didn't mind… The touch of raindrops gave an extreme freshness to me. I walked towards the lift in my apartment building. Each of my steps toward it was as mechanical as this city life. My mind has not come back from the excitement of rain. But I was walking unconsciously like a robot that is programmed to do so.

I always liked rain; it gives tremendous harmony when tiny rain drops touch the skin. My mind was thrilled like a kid. It reminded my childhood days… A kid who runs out of the house when it starts raining, to enjoy every bit of it… looking at the sky, he jump up and down with the rhythm of rain. And his mom chases him all the way in the surrounding land to take him back to home. He never gives up until both of them are fully drenched! Finally when mom wins chasing and taken him to house, he sit near the window, watching the rain and the dark cloudy sky. When lightening or thunder comes, he run to grandma and hide under grandma's bed sheets.

The lift opened in front of me… As I walked into the lift, I heard a much familiar voice saying 'Door closing'. It took a moment for me to realize that, it is automatic playback of some recorded voice from the speaker in the lift. I laughed at myself knowing that my mind and body is out of sync for few minutes now. My mind was flying like a butterfly in those dream worlds of childhood memories. The lift started moving upward and the initial pull against gravitation reminded me that I'm on earth..!

I starred at the digital display of floor number; awaiting my floor number. Something has taken me back to the nostalgic memories again… may be the wetness from raindrops or the loneliness in lift! A recap to those primary school days in my village! School days are always the cute days of anyone's life… A bunch of memories fled into my mind… walking to school in those rainy monsoon days through small muddy road with ponds and fields on both sides (They are all replaced with concrete roads and buildings now). On the way back from school we play on those muddy fields in rain… and catch little fishes from the small ponds on either side of the way… put them in our water bottle and enjoy watching it swimming up and down in the bottle, rushing to escape. Sometimes we get into the pond and pluck those Lilly flowers... good old days !

The digital indication that I am starring now, read: 'Floor: 02’. My mind is wandering in the memories of those school holidays. We used to go for swimming in every morning. The water would be snow cool in early morning. But we treasured swimming in early morning. It is even better feeling, to swim in rain. The raindrops touch on top of you tickling your body and sequentially unite with water underneath you. Nice, isn’t it? Then the days we, friends used to play cricket from morning to evenings… and the unexpected rain that comes all in a sudden while we play. We keep playing in rain, though we get scolding for it from parents later... again good old days !

A beep sound along with change in digital display indicated that it is 3rd floor. I was flying high in those precious days of my life - college life and hostel days..! The long sleepless nights in hostel corridors with a gathering of good friends around. We stay awake in late nights and discuss about anything other than studies..! Enormously about anything and everything in this universe..! Night outs while raining were extra special... rain added some additional aroma to our discussions… like a background music to our funny discussions… and it goes on for the whole night… it might be the music of rain that keep all of us awake !

Then those rainy mornings, we bunk classes and labs just because we are lazy to get up from bed… and enjoy sleeping till lunch. Then the bike rides through college campus with friends in rain... you know, that is a incredible and special feeling to ride bike in rain..! The faster you ride, the harder the rain drops hit you..!

Another beep sound from an entirely different world is heard and the display read: 'Floor: 04’. But that did not seem to trouble my floating mind much. I am cherishing those drizzly evenings in the beach with the special friend in my life... sitting next to next in beach sand for long time looking at the deep sea without talking much… still when we go back from beach, we get a feel that we shared all our feelings through silence… may be the breeze and drizzle communicated our feelings between us... and the returning from beach sharing an umbrella with that caring and loving friend...!

The digital display changed again and beep sound bang my head... It flushed my mind and those sweet memories… the door opened and I stepped out from lift and walked to my room, thinking about this artificial, routine life. We don't see nature these days, all I can see in this world now is concrete buildings, flats, ac rooms, lifts, bridges, fly over, mobile, ipods, computer, laptop, internet, tv, metro trains; Machines everywhere...! very rarely get chance to see the nature; and feel the nature... The beauty and trueness of nature has been wiped away by human intelligence. But Rain is one of nature’s beauty, that is untouched by human intelligence so far...

And presently here I am, sitting near the window of my room in middle of a busy city (I would prefer calling it a 'concrete jungle') and having a hot coffee. As I type this post in my laptop, it is still raining outside. This post is born from the music of rain drops that I am enjoying through my window now..!

Well, we all must let the past go off, some day or the other...! Still it is nice to jog your memories through those wonderful moments in life...!

Snap of a visitor to my garden..!

2008-12-07T07:49:00.000-08:00

It is not very often you see, a wonderful sight of insects like these.. So thought I should not miss capturing them.

The race of life !

2008-10-10T04:04:00.000-07:00

Here an interesting stuff from a forwarded mail, that attracted my crazy mind... who ever written this is an intellectual.. hats off..!

~~~~~***~~~~~

Every morning in Africa, a gazelle awakens. He has only one thought on his mind: To be able to run faster than the fastest lion. If he cannot, then he will be eaten.

Every morning in Africa a lion awakens. He has only one thought on his mind: To be able to run faster than the slowest gazelle. If he cannot, he will die of hunger.

Whether you choose to be a gazelle or a lion is of no consequence. It is enough to know that with the rising of the sun, you must run. And you must run faster than you did yesterday or you will die.

" This is the race of life."

N2N : 2 - The Cloudy Days !

2008-10-06T09:35:00.000-07:00

NULL to NOW

This is in continuation of my previous post: N2N : 1 - Null, The Absolute Beginning !

Chapter 2: The Cloudy Days !

Time has put an end to all our sleepy sessions... We have completed our trainings and moved into projects.. I have been assigned to software testing, I do not know on what basis! Those days, I did not have much idea on s/w testing; but still my mind said that is not the one I wanted to be doing. I wanted to be doing some challenging works, with all the energy and sparks of fresh engineer mind. But life doesn't always give you, what you wanted. I was going in the way, life take me; so as my career..!

My first project was to perform testing of a media management product, which can organize, podcast all media files and communicate with electronics devices like car stereo, home player, TV, Nokia Mobiles N series etc. through WiFi and UPnP technology. The cubicle of our project team looked more like a small theatre/lab rather than a work place.. There had car stereo, TV, home player, WiFi adapters, media collections etc, etc scattered apart from our computers. We could use these devices as our choice of interest in watching movies or listening songs etc as a part of work.

For the next few months, I was going along with the stream, enjoying music, movies during work. The product, in-fact was great idea as a whole; this product even got best innovation award in consumer electronics section at international level. And also, I have been learning ABC's of S/w testing from this project.

But deep inside myself, I was thinking, if I m really doing things which fit to my abilities! No... Absolutely it was not! My work in that project was, something that any normal person could do; it doesn't require an engineer's mind to do that work. And more over, I felt that work very boring. Those were cloudy days of my career; and I keep thinking deeply on how to get rid of this..

Though I was late, I requested management to move me to a more challenging project. There has been some good attempts by management to move me to development project; Thanks for all the attempts by good hearts, though it was not fruitful.

At the end of the drama, I was requested to continue in the same project. The reason being, there had been frequent attrition from my current project already. For the sake of hell or heaven, I did not argue much. That is the way, I always been since from my childhood. Sometimes, this character brought good to me... but some times, I have paid much for being so...

My first attempt of swimming against the stream collapsed there. Life was again flowing along the direction of stream; and so as my career..!

[To be continued]

N2N : 1 - Null, The Absolute Beginning !

2008-09-26T05:00:00.000-07:00

NULL to NOW

I would first tell you what "NULL to NOW" is... I just wanted to put together all the crazy incidents, thoughts and the path in my career life from an absolute beginning to now...

PS: I have tried my best to avoid criticizing or pinpointing anyone, who has been a part in my way here... Still my dear colleagues, If you feel, something pointing about you, it is not intentional or meant to be so.. I am just expressing myself...

Chapter 1 : Null, The Absolute Beginning !!!

Like any other newbie, who comes out of an engineering college to a corporate world, me too had lot of energy, enthusiasm, expectations on that day.. lots of passion to start a good career. I woke up too early that day and with great enthusiasm... precisely @ 6.45AM, which is a kind of too early by my own standards ;) . Then got ready in fully formal dresses & shoe and started to the company with a file having all my certification and offer letter. You know, the file in my hand was all, what I earned in life so far, with 21 years of education...!

All this days after I get offer letter, I was imagining about this day.. I was expecting a big organization with all hi-fi facilities... When I reached in front of the office, I realized it is a very small organization in a double floor building with limited infrastructure and around one hundred people. And that is where I started my career as so called a software engineer... As saying, 'First impression is the best impression'!! ...and I did not let the spark, energy and enthusiasm to get collapsed..

The next few months were training period... you know, how would one feel to sit in a training classes on the first few days of corporate life.. After all we were fed up with sitting in classes, seminars and sections for a long period of 4 years in the name of getting an engineering graduation.. I had to say, it was quite boring (Sorry, my mentors & trainers, but that was fact..) The training in the first few months dispatch the fresh spark and energy with in us... They taught us .NET, Frameworks, S/W testing, Configuration management tools, Java, J2EE, blah blah blah. (To be honest, I don't remember the rest.) ..

May be the training organizers thought, they could inject all of this into our small brains with a one month training sessions.. But one thing they haven't thought is, so many lectures, professors and teachers attempted to do the same for years in our college/school life and failed... And in real fact, how far we learned from those training is always a question mark, who on earth knows.. I've never tried to judge that.

But there was something else I am learning above all these sleepy sessions.. That is the helping, motivative, humble and down to earth characters of some senior colleagues, even in the situation where they don't require to be doing so... Until that, I never expected people in the rank of CEO, Founders etc, would come get introduced to fresher-trainee in person, have lunch together or personal talks! That is something which make you more comfortable, especially when you are in a new corporate world. And along with that, it also gives more responsibility, by having a feeling like you are watched by all..! May be it was just a business tactics, and this outcome was, what the company exactly wanted to happen.. But anyhow I liked the humbleness and helping behavior of some people, even when they are at heights..! I just captured that to my life as well.

All together, it was a fresh beginning to the world of software.. ! All the electronics and instrumentation circuit diagrams learned during 4 year life of electronics and instrumentation engineering has been thrown away and here the first step into a new world. !

The absolute beginning to the world of corporate life.. !!!

Next chapter of this series @ N2N : 2 - The Cloudy Days !

Some Good Quotes

2008-09-22T08:41:00.000-07:00

Sometimes, smile can be like a drop of water in a desert..!

You smile, the whole world smile with you !

you cry, and you cry alone !

It is dangerous to weep inside your mind,
The open tears can easily be wiped away,
But the secret tears create scars in depth !!!

Silence gives rest to your mind,
And this means rest to your body,

Sometimes rest is the only medicine needed..!

Give lot of time for the improvement of yourself,
Then there will not be time to criticize others..!

:-)

That is life !

2008-09-04T23:41:00.000-07:00

In this post, I would tell you about an ambitious boy, his admiration and dreams in his life and how he drive for that.

The boy I am talking about was in his early teenage and he lived in a small middle class family in a village. His village was so quite, calm and greenery to live a peaceful life. Like any other middle class family in India around a decade back, his home also was a combined family and all his relatives and everyone lived in the same home. Even with the financial limitations, his middle class environment provided him everything that is necessity in his life like education, dresses, good food etc.. But anything beyond necessity was just a hidden whisper in his mind that vanish very soon...

This small boy I know had the habit of dreaming an optimistic future. After all that is something he could do with out paying money. The surprising thing was that even his dreams know about his financial limitation.. the dreams were not much lavish.. his dreams were about having a more comfortable life.. something like building a small good house for them.. and buying a small car for their parents.. he had never even dreamt about being very lavish...

Days are passed.. months passed and years passed.. The boy studied hard to accomplish his dreams.. he has grown up now.. He has got a good job which earn a reasonable and good amount of money monthly..

Now his dreams were not much far from reality... He is in a position to realize his dream now. But it is then he realized that, he had lost so much during these years... The dream of the small boy, did not have much value now... He lost his parents for ever during these years.. His relatives are not living together in a combined family anymore.. they are all separated into different houses.. he is living alone with out any one's care and affection.. and his dreams does not have much values anymore..

Now he knows that is life.. Life is always been this way.. When you gain something, you loose equally or something more than it.. Life maintain an equilibrium...!!

Friendship Day - Make any sense?

2008-08-04T05:52:00.000-07:00

Another Friendship day has come !!!

But does it really make sense to have one day out of 365 days for friendship ?!... I would say offcourse not! Friendship is not festivel like Xmas or Diwali that comes once in year and you will have to wait the whole year for another time..

Friendship is an understanding between two heart.. something which you experience, feel and share on a day to day of your life... Infact friendship is one which make every day of your life a celebration.. So offcourse, it does not make much sense(at least to me!) to have one day celebrated for friendship day..!

But what is wrong, if you this just an extra reason to celebrate and enjoy with your friends! If you think in that way, it is nice to have a friendship day.. Atleast a reason for celebrating with your friends!
So Happy friendship day to all my friends !

You are gonna leave me !

2008-07-11T05:31:00.000-07:00

You are gonna leave me…!

I do remember our first meet, few years before,
the cute smile and gentle warmth of yours,
the kind of affection in your words,
that brought my attention and affection to you !

As days go on, You inspired me,
you advised me,
you encouraged me,
you charmed me

We ate together,
We played together,
We danced together,
We enjoyed together

We shared our thoughts,
We shared our secrets,
we shared our feelings,
we shared our heart

we shared our fun
We shared our glory
We shared our pleasure
we shared our sadness

We shared the delight of victory
We shared the bitter pain of defeat
You cared me every minutes of my life,
I enjoyed every second of it,

days are passed.. months passed
we were close together for 2 years,
close to the heart than anyone else
We loved each other than anyone else

And now, you are gonna leave me,
But I wanna see you again and again
again and again through out my life,
But you are gonna leave me...!!!

You are gonna leave me....

Back to the world of Blogs

2008-07-10T07:35:00.000-07:00

I am back to the blogs again after long gap!!! It is been a while I was out of the world of blogs... I should better say..I have been out of my own life for sometime..! And now let me tell you why I have been out of this world for so long.!

Recently I happened to see a quote saying 'All of the animals except human know that, the principle business of life is to enjoy it.!'.. I should change this to 'All, except software engineers know that the principle business of life is to enjoy it.!' Friends, don't kick me, when you read this post! I know you would call me mad, and this post as a crap!(of course blogs are invented to post crap thoughts, according to me!).

'Freedom with Responsibility' is a key point, most of the software companies uses to attract talents. And mine was not different in this.. but let me tell you, this suits in s/w industry in some way to attract talents... but in a slightly different way, who ever experienced this, they know this is the biggest trap.. You can redefine this phrase as 'who ever takes responsibility they get more and more responsibility and tension.. who ever takes freedom, they always have freedom!'

This is fact... in fact, I realized very late. And this was the reason I was out of this world..

Some old Paintings !

2007-07-08T11:41:00.000-07:00

Years back, I had the habit of doing some paintings when ever I find myself free..or even I make myself free from other activities to do paintings.. I am not a good artist and all, but used to paint some small small stuff at least for my own satisfaction.. But now it has been many years since I touched the painting brush and pencil.. very long since I have done something of that sort...
Anyway here with, I am sharing some of the painting which I have done many years back...

Today, I was just thinking what is that keeps me away from all these interests.. what is that make my life so mechanical with out all these..! Is it my busy corporate life that keeps me away from this. Might be... But the question is unanswered..!

All this paintings may look so childish... yes of course, It was done long long back during my school days... paintings of a child's crazy mind...

Now it is high time to check if pencil and paint brush still suit me and it go according to my mind and wishes..!

First crazy thought

2007-06-30T16:53:00.000-07:00

This is my first attempt of blogging. Let me start with a crazy story of mine!!!

That was a Friday evening and I was on my way to home for the weekend. I have got into the bus and fortunately I got a seat in bus near to the font door. As time moves, bus was getting more and more crowded with students and people who go home for weekend like me. I was happy in getting the seat to have a comfortable journey.. and so far so good, looking out at the evening sun rays spread on the sky through the window of bus.

Sometime later, one lady got into the bus with one kid, there were no seats available and she came and stand near to me with the small kid in hand. Even though I feel sympathy to her, I didn't want to get up and give my seat to her. I normally don’t mind in doing so, but that day I was very tired after work and bus was so crowded. I do not want to struggle standing in the bus for rest of my journey. I kept my eyes away from that side acting as if I did not notice the lady and kid in her hand. But my mind started blaming me for behaving with out humanity. Finally with half mind, I looked at her offering the seat. It seems she understood it and given the kid to me. I have taken the kid to my laps, he is around 1 year old. I felt proud of me in helping them. I was so tired and started sleeping after half an hour or so.

After few hours of travel, suddenly I woke up from sleep when the child started crying or moving around. I kept the child properly in my laps and looked outside through window of bus. It was almost reached my destination and it was still dark outside and time was early morning 3.50AM. Then I noticed that the kid's mother was not standing near by me. I turned around and search in each seats. By the time bus has reached in bus stand and passengers started getting down from the bus. My eyes were scanning the whole bus in search of that lady who gave the kid to me...

Now there are only very few passengers in the bus and they are also about to get down. And I am sure the lady is not there among those. I started worrying thinking about what to do with the kid. The kid is sleeping peacefully in my laps not knowing my worries. There is not much time left for me to think because one by one all the people are getting out of the bus.

Then I approached some of them trying to say, what actually happened. Some of them were not even listening to me and they were busy to get out of the bus and go to their own way. Some others were looking at me as if I am a criminal. no body seems believing me.. I thought of handling over the kid to driver or conductor of the bus and leaving to my home. But no one is ready to take the kid from me. They have gathered around me and looking at myself and the child with doubt or unbelif in what I am saying. I could even see pity, sympathy in some their eyes. But no one is supporting or believing me... the world around me was so cruel to me!

I had to catch another train from here to go to my home and it is getting late for me. But what do I do with this kid in my hand. I felt as if I am alone in a big crowd around me. I have started crying when the world around me not at all believing me. Among then, one young gentle man is saying 'He would have abducted the child for gold and after removing the gold from child body, now he want to leave the child'.... Oh god. I would never even think about doing such things. All I did is helped that lady when she was struggling to stand in bus with a kid in her hand!

They have planned to call the police or take me to police station along with the kid. I am so worried and afraid to go to police station itself. I was about to leave the kid on the seat and move away, and then one person caught my collar and slapped me. Suddenly I shouted, got up from my bed, opened my eyes and looked around for the kid and the crowd. Then I realized that it was a dream...!

A crazy dream...!!!